Last year I started dating my wonderful man after being friends and co-workers for sometime. What had started out as a bond over superhero movies and Panera lunch- turned into something more amazing then I could of ever imagined. He is kind, he is sexy, he is smart, he is caring, he is thoughtful, he is handsome, he is everything I never knew I was looking for.
He also has a 4( then 3) year old son.
That isn’t’ a bad thing. I LOVE kids. I’ve always wanted kids. My Ex and I tried for 3+ years to have a baby and while I see now that there is obviously a plan of God’s as to why that didn’t happen, it didn’t make it any less devastating each time it didn’t. So Man having a son wasn’t even an issue for me. I didn’t think anything of it.
When we first started dating people would ask me all the time if it bothered me him having a kid, or how I dealt with dating someone who has kids, or some other random ( and often way to personal) question. I didn’t know what to say to them- It’s not a big deal. I like his son, his son likes me, what’s the dilly yo?
A year or so into the relationship…..I now get where the questions come from.
NOT that I have any ill feelings towards B or anything like that I mean come on
How could you not be in love with this face?!?!?!?!
Or This one?
Or especially this one
But dating someone with kids and being a parenting figure toward said kid….is hard….way harder then I thought.
And it’s not hard for the reasons I thought people were asking- B and I get along great, He is funny, cute, smart, and can be really
We’ve become pro’s at the L&B Selfie!
thoughtful for a 4 year old. B’s mom has always been welcoming , kind, and trusting of me with her son, and is general not the horrible monster you assume baby momma’s will be (side note-well aware that could all change at ANY moment! Yikes!) So those things are good. What makes it hard is the boundaries, the lessons, the overstepping, the not stepping up enough and so on and so fourth.
Do I discipline him? (NO) Do I leave that for his dad?(YES) What about the times when I have him all day and he’s throwing things at his Dad’s fancy Tv (UMMMM). Do I force him to eat foods he say ” will make me throw up” even though I know they won’t and he just said that cause his mom (and dad) let him just eat Nuggies? (I do whether its right or not-I don’t’ do picky eaters). Do I tell my job I have to leave early to go get B from school when no-one else can or do I leave that for Man and B’s mom to figure out? I mean how come there are no answers for that kind of stuff!
It can be hard always having to share Man with B on the weekends, but surprisingly enough that doesn’t’ bother me like it might some women. Maybe its because I work Saturdays anyways, or because Man and I make sure we have date nights during the week, but I don’t ever find my self jealous as I’ve heard other women can be.
My role is the hardest part about all of this. Who am I to him? How am I supposed to react when he yells that he was only talking to his daddy? ( next time he says Huh reply with- I’m talking to your daddy!….no not right ok then) Do I insert my opinion on things that deal with his health, his education, his well being, or do I just leave all that to the dad?
I don’t know if there is a right or wrong answer to all of these and so I’m just gonna keep on doing what I’m doing and hope I don’t royally screw him up. But Something tells me we are gonna be A-Ok
I mean look at us
I think we make a pretty cute team!
B if you are reading this 20 years from now and you need massive amounts of therapy because I made you eat spaghetti and broccoli-My bad!