I am a smoker.

I hate that phrase. I’ve tried for years to never use it, to never actually title myself as one. I’ve tried to hide it away from as many people as possible,  however as I approach 30 I know its the truth.

I am a smoker.

I started smoking back in high school. Why? I dunno. Neither of my parents smoked. I was always told smoking was bad. I knew it wasn’t’ cool. But I still started anyways.

The problem with smoking is that you don’t notice any issues or repercussions for it when you first start. It seems harmless and you think “What’s the big deal?” The problem arises 10 plus years later when you for some strange reason are still smoking.

Your lungs hurt at times, you notice your teeth aren’t nearly as white as you would like, you have a horrible cough that never quite seems to go away.  And all you want to do is stop this gross nasty thing you are doing to yourself…….but you can’t.

I’ve quit smoking numerous times once in high school. Once after college. Once after that. But here I am still smoking.

Recently I cut WAY back. from over 1/2 a pack a day to 5. And I was am proud of myself. But the thing is……It really doesn’t matter. Whether its 1 cigarette a day or 15 cigarettes a day…..I’m still smoking. My clothes still stink, my breath still stinks, I’m still spending wasting my money. I’m still smoking.

And it just sucks.

 Smoking Sucks! The one thing I would say to my kid is, ‘It’s not just that its bad for you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life fighting a stupid addiction to a stupid thing that doesn’t even really give you a good buzz?’ Katherine Heigl
But I think one of the biggest problems with it is-you can’t talk to anyone about it. Non-smokers just have no idea. Smokers or Ex-smokers get it, but have nothing helpful to offer (because lets face it in the battle against smoking-nothing is helpful). You tell people you are a smoker and all they want to do is remind you how horrible it is for you. You tell people you are quitting or trying to quit and they offer 100’s of useless cliché’s you have known all along. And then if you fail all you ever hear is
I thought you quit?!?!?!?
So it just sucks.
So here I am on the cusp of turning 30 still smoking like I was almost 15 years ago. I want to quit. I need to quit. I will quit. But don’t expect me to tell you about it. Because if there is one thing I have learned it’s that nothing, no one, but me can get me to quit smoking.
I’ll quit like I started…….secretly.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.-Mark Twain